| [ | Am feeling |
| |  Reflecting | ] |
| [ | Listening to |
| | What Are Words - Chris Medina | ] |
What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?
What are words if they're only for good times then they don't? Everything's set in stone, and there's no turning back. I really need this trip, despite doing so badly for my final year project, I feel like I deserve it, because in my heart, I know that I did work very hard towards the end. Every time I travel, a part of me really hopes that it's a one-way trip. A chance to start my life afresh. Not that I'm willing to put my family and friends behind, we'd still keep in touch. But this would be an opportunity for me to begin everything again, another chance to make an impression. I've made many bad decisions among the good, whether on impulse or not, and it always results in regret. And I used to always contradict myself. Who didn't, actually? Because we were indecisive when we were younger, we were so fickle. Come to think about it, how stupid was I to be complaining and regretting, instead of making the best out of whatever wrong decision I have made? Or why didn't I think it through more thoroughly? If I did that, well, life would have been more fulfilling. But what's in the past is in the past, there's nothing I can do but learn. Many promises I have made to myself, yet they are always never fulfilled. Because promises were meant to be broken, right? Wrong. And I learnt that the hard way. Since making that firm decision to pursue my education in a particular institution and changing my whole initial route, I made a promise to myself to work hard, and to graduate with First Class Honours. And I'm quite sure that I'm not going to break it this time. As I mature and grow up, I learn to look at things from a different point of view. I now look back at the mistakes I have made, and laugh at myself for my stupidity and sometimes, just being plain naive. We all make mistakes and we never (or try not to) make the same mistake again. My teacher in primary school once told me, that it was okay to make mistakes, but it would be stupid and unforgivable to certain extents to make the same mistake twice. But actually, how many times have we made repeated mistakes? Now that I'm older, I learn to open my eyes wider, to observe more, to make the right judgement as well as decisions. Because this time, it's not just selfishly for myself and my life, but also for my family, my friends and our futures. |
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gniyiew's journal
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